Monday, 07 July 2008

• Speaking Out Loud

  Last night, it rained heavily... So I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep immediately. I thought of things that I haven't thought off for awhile. Such things like, I've been working at the current company for a year now. And that it's also been a year that I threw away my dream of being a diplomat, by joining this company.
  
  3 months ago, I heard that this girl who was next to my roll no. when I sat for MOFA (Ministry of Foreign Affairs) Interview went on her first assignment. I remember that girl clearly cos she was really cute and petite. She was really nervous, and her hands were cold. She even asked from me what she should studying, saying that she didn't study much, and now she's forgotten everything. At that time, I was as nervous as her, but I was also confident. But at that interview, I failed and she passed. And now she's in that country, and I'm here. I wonder if she still remembered me or not.
  
  I don't know what went wrong. I thought I was able to answer all the questions that were asked. Ofcourse, I did miss a few but they weren't important stuff. I was so confident that I was going to pass that I was even preparing for that official training course in Phaung Gyi. I cried when I saw that I wasn't on the list. (I was 22 years old, but pretty much still childish :P) My parents were quite disappointed too, I guess.
  
  I tried again in 2007. I passed the written exam as usual, and failed again at the interview stage. But this time, I knew that I wasn't going to pass when I came out from the interview room. I wasn't able to answer all their questions well.
  
  But weren't they supposed to judge whether I should be a diplomat by looking at my personality and my knowledge, and not on whether I know the 4 Political Objectives, or how many rice acres are in the whole country? They asked questions like that and I wasn't able to answer. I also wasn't able to answer when they asked about public diplomacy, what was "Look East" policy. The last two questions were the sort of knowledge that I should have known. I blame myself for not reading enough. And even though I had studied those stuff like 12 National Objectives and 7-Step Road Map in English and Burmese, I got nervous in the room (there were 7 people in the room who interviewed me) and I just messed up and said them all wrong. So yes, it was partly my fault that I didn't pass this time.
  
  But how about those who passed? Were they able to answer all those questions as well? Later, I heard many things about special "VIPs" who knew big people and they passed. And after hearing things like that, I wondered if any of those VIPs have an ounce of what it takes to be a diplomat. I know that I am being like the wolf who can't get the grapes, so he says they're sour anyways.. but I can't help but think like that.
  
  May sound silly, but I wanted to become the first Woman Ambassadar of Myanmar.. lolz Funny, huh? Currently, there have never been any woman ambassador except for Daw Khin Kyi (wife of General Aung San) but she was an honarary ambassador, and was not a career diplomat. If chances were given, I also wanted to be like Condolezza Rice and become the first woman Foreign Minister. But, I didn't tell anyone of my secret ambitions cos it's embarrassing if they didn't come true. :P
  
  In 2008 Janurary, there were MOFA vacancies again. But I didn't take the exams this time. I already had a job by then, and in fact, while they were sitting for writting exams in Naypyidaw, I was in Indonesia. I had already gave up my dreams of being a diplomat, but I still wonder sometimes, "What if?" "What if I had tried harder?" But I also wonder.. will I have really liked being a diplomat? If I had become an official in MOFA now, I will be in Naypyidaw, living away from my family. It was sort of appealing to me because I will be living away from home and living on my own two feet, which is something I have wanted to do for a long time. I wouldn't have joined the current job, so I wouldn't have get to go to Indonesia. (I probably wouldn't have met the current guy since I wouldn't have internet at Naypyidaw.) And maybe I might be already on assignment at some Myanmar embassy, though you have to wait like at least 3 years before you go on assignments. And that's all I can see so far when I think "if I had become a diplomat".
  
  Oh well... Can't complain and whine for things that weren't meant to be right? I'll just have to do my best and create new dreams and ambitions to fulfill.. :) I have a small dream that I have been creating now, but it'll depend a lot on different scenarios. I won't say what it is right now.
  
  (The date may be published as yesterday since I was writing this yesterday, but didn't finish it, so I finished it today)
  

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